A Weighty Issue

11 01 2010

Normally I keep things pretty light-hearted on here.  But, today, I wanted to take a few moments and reflect on another issue, one a little more personal.

Last April I put away my scale.  I took it from its place beside the bathtub, crammed it under the bathroom sink, put the trash can on top of it, and I haven’t seen it since

Does that seem unusual to you? Maybe it is.  That moment was pivotal for me in a battle I’ve been engaged in for as long as I can remember. A number of things led me to that point and I wanted to record them here.

If this post feels terribly boring to you or you don’t feel like reading the rest of it, I’m okay with that.  But I hate to lose readers, so feel free to click below to be redirected to something much more fun than this discussion:

House Beautiful

The Greatest Moments in Sports History

Everything Turquoise

Okay.  Now that I’ve weeded out my lesser dedicated readers (is anybody still out there?  Am I talking to myself here?), I want to talk about the reasons why that scale is under my bathroom sink, and not in a more prominent place in the bathroom.

1.  The number that came up on the scale was dictating my moods.  And not just for a few minutes.  If the number was lower than I expected, I was elated!  But if the number was higher than I expected, my mood would plummet and I would stay in that place for days.  My dark moods were being triggered by that scale, and in the worst moments, I could hardly function.

2.  I am raising 3 daughters.  I refuse to feed them the lie that says thin equals beauty and beauty equals value.  But it’s so subtle.  I knew that I had to get a grip on this issue in my own heart before I stood a chance at passing the truth along to them.

3. This summer, I lost a dear friend to pancreatic cancer.   For months I watched her life slowly slip away.  I watched her husband grieve, and I watched her children walk around aimlessly with a look of shock and disbelief in their eyes.  Watching that all unfold gave me a new perspective.  This dear friend, who spoke words of life and encouragement to me when I was completely overwhelmed as a new mom, left this world with so much living undone.  And here I was, hung up on longing to be a different size.  In light of her death, it just seemed ridiculous.

4.  Despite what society would like for me to believe, I am not actually overweight.  Nope, I will never stand out in a crowd for being the “ideal” body-type (I HATE that phrase!).  But, my doctor showed me a chart in her office, and, to my astonishment, I actually fell within the “normal” boundaries for my height and body type.  After years of being “big-boned” or “pretty-faced” and comparing myself to my friends who were tiny,  I had completely lost perspective on a healthy size.  When my doctor informed me that I am not overweight, it was an entirely new revelation to me.

Perhaps there are other reasons that I can’t even verbalize yet. And the reality is that I still have days where I feel like a blimp (those days come around about once a month, ifyouknowwhatI’msayin’).  But I have chosen to focus on my health and not a series of fluctuating numbers.

Which is why you will continue to hear me whine about these crazy classes I’m taking at the local gym.

So that’s that.  Do I wish I had a flat belly?  Yup.  (Do you know a woman who has given birth who doesn’t long for a few things to be what they once were?).  But I’m no longer driven by that.  Will I ever step on the scale again?  Probably not (with the exception of the times where I can’t avoid it, such as the doctor’s office).  My greater concern is treating my body well through exercise and wise eating habits (some days are better than others. . .do I hear an amen?) and let the numbers fall where they may.

Throughout this process I’ve learned a lot about myself, about true beauty, and about taking care of my body.  I could never have learned that from the scale.  Which is why it will stay right where it is.

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5 responses

11 01 2010
SJ

Get you get an amen? Yes, you can. AMEN sister. You said it!! You were always my go-to girl in gym class, someone who could totally understand and make me feel ok in that vulnerable place. Looks like some things don’t change. 🙂 Great blog. I always enjoy your entries. Keep it up, sister girl!!

12 01 2010
candice

For the record, Vicki- I’ve always thought of you as a thin person! Seriously!

16 01 2010
Colleen

Hey Vicki!
I got really motivated today and spent time catching up with you by reading various entries. First of all, let me say I am very impressed with your blogging abilities. I was enraptured and just wanted to keep reading and reading into the archives! You are a captivating writer and I love seeing pics of your precious girls. Secondly, I congratulate you on getting a breakthrough on this scales issue! Your words are full of truth that we all need to hear, thank you for sharing! May you be blessed with further freedom and affirmation of your complete and unalterable beauty! I love you!

18 01 2010
kristinbucher

While “Everything Turquoise” was interesting it was not nearly as meaningful as your post. 🙂 Thanks for being honest and passing on your wisdom.
-Kristin

19 01 2010
rhondablogs

this was refreshing in a time when i feel bombarded by “shoulds” about my body and appearance. thanks for giving me lots of food for thought…especially about raising girls!

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